Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Tia, my own personel stalker

For anyone who has been reading my blog for evan a short time, you are undoutedly awaire that Tia regulerly sends me vile, discusting comments. I cannot even repete some of the awefull things she has seid to me. She has attacked my home making skills (obveously a singe of jealousy), my mothering skills, my Famuous Salmon, my luxuryous castle in which I abide, and the fact that my husband is a hot, adorible inventer/politicion that she wishes where her own. I feel sorry for her. She is sad and loanly. She has resently advised one of my dear readers to go out and do horable, detestible acts that no True Christian would ever do. :(

Tia, I realize that you try to come across as an athiest to get my attenshon, but I am two smart for you. I can tell you are Catholoc, and that you worship Mary. Nobody else would have such a potty mouth; I know how all you Catholocs curse and sin and do whatevar you want, because you think you can just go to confeshon the next day. :( That is wear you are wrong, Tia. You're Sol is going to burn in hell vary soon because of you're stuborness and unwillingness to here the truth.

Ladies, we nead to prey for Tia, that she would come out of the Whore of Babble-on and be a true, KJV-only, Bible-beleiveing, Holey-Spirit lead Christian, like me. It's so sad, because evan athiests have a bettar chanse at getting saved then Catholocs. :(

Now, to address the importent issue hear, which is my deer reader who was reaching out. Her name is KritterC, and she is a pour lost Catholoc, but I beleive she is reely, truely seaking. Since I have the gift of the Holey Spirit, I can tell when someone is being authentic, and I can tell you, she is. Obveously, our Lord has something vary speshial planed for her life, and He has sent me to be Salt and Light for her.

KritterC, what Amanda seid in her comment is so vary true. It is probly due to you're being Catholoc that caused your preshious, sweaty-pie hubby to die. :( That is God's punishment for you, for being a membar of the church of Satin. But sinse you are honastly seeking Him now, He will most definately send a Wander-Hubby almost as grate as mine you're way, I just know it. :)

Some tips:

1. Do not evar step inside a Catholoc church again. Find a true, Bible-beleiving, KJV-only Church and start attending THIS Sunday. Hear are some realy hopefull signes that you have found a True Church: (a) the Paster is jolly, overwait, and has an over-comb, (b) his wife plays the piano for worship and quire songs, and (c) thay home-school (because thay know public schools are eval) and have 4 kids or more - than that is a shure sign you are in the right place! :)

2. Spend lots of time at Meez PrayzParties, you nevar know when a handsome Christian fellow may come in looking for a wife. ;) ;) ;)

3. Loose that freaking waight by exsersising 6 hours a day like me. It is vary importent to be hot because men are visual creatchures, thay nead a hot body to look at. If your not hot, thay will just check out a young hot women like me. Beleive me, I know firsthand how painful it to be the object of men's gawking. :( Now, since you are so old, you have moore time then a young hot mommy like myself, I actually think you should be exsersicing for at least 8 hours a day. In fact, my advise is to just get up in the morning, start running, and don't stop until dinner time. :)

4. Send me your address and phone numbar because I have lots of wonderfull, Christian mail freinds who are looking for wives. :)

11 comments:

kritterc said...

Well, I must tell you that I have already starting running. I started immediately after I got off work and just now quit - 9:00 p.m. It was OK at first, but then I passed out from the heat right in front of our local bar. A nice, one-eyed man with funny-smelling breath gave me CPR and helped me to my feet. He asked me out for this weekend - He is taking me to a dog fight over in the next county. Is a dog fight a Christian thing to do? Also, should I let him kiss me on the first date? I mean, he gave me CPR already :) so its not like we are complete strangers or anything. I am really nervous. One more thing - should I still run all day on Saturday? I don't want to be too sweaty and I am not sure I will have time to wipe off before he picks me up in his van. Thank you so much for your advice!!

tia said...

I think you are just ascared that I might have something to say that your filtered mind can't deal with. If I make you actually think, I must be in Satan's employ.

Kitterc, go on that date! Let him kiss you - you will not know if you like him, or the kissing, until you try it. And, how would you know if you wanted to go on another date with him if he doesn't kiss well?

The van sounds like a lot of fun. Do not let Mandy bring you down. You're a woman in your prime, you should be out there putting it to good use.

Daughter of the King said...

Just a heads up for all of you wonderful people over here..my blog has changed and just wanted to let you know so you can change the link in the sidebar, it is no longer ajoyfulhomemaker, now its www.homesteadblogger.com/Fruitofherhands Please come visit me there.
Blessings, Joann

luz said...

Wait, Joann, I thought you went and got this new blog just so you wouldn't keep getting harassed from the people on THIS blog. Remember, your close friends had to e-mail you for the new blog address?

Are you wanting to go on again about the hateful comments you get, and act all persecuted.

I guess you're such good friends with Fruity, you're following her pattern of getting a new blog a month.

sweepingthehome said...

Thanks for noticing that Luz.

Announcement everyone! Go to Catholic-Hater Joann's brand spankin' new blog and leave vile and nasty comments! She was getting lonely and really wants the attention! But hurry, because after she whines about how persecuted she is, she'll be shutting it down.

Have fun!

luz said...

Don't you mean vial and nasty comments, sweeping? Must have accidentally spelled it correctly.

Natalie said...

Oh, MY GOSH... I haven't even read this site much yet, but grabbed the jist of it when I logged on... I had to throw my hand over my mouth from guffawing (I'm at work).

Can't wait to read more!

Natalie said...

Okay, this laughing is really starting to hurt my head, and I've just gotten started reading this blog.

sweepingthehome said...

Welcome, Natalie!

Amanda said...

Kritterc, you are such a wantun hoar. You let a strangur give you CPR? That is most sertinly a sin. Wunce again, I am apauled that you would dare to destroy the sanctity of Mandy's blog with the vial filth that spews forth from your mouth.

By all means kiss him on the first date--if you wont to rot in hell. You better hope that your other Kathlic friends save you spot in the shallowe end of the lake of fyre.

Mandy, can't you ban pepull like Kritterc, who are obviously hoars of Babbleon?

watchdog said...

Mandy,

The word is "stocker." Tia is your own personel stocker.