Maybe you've been exseedingly busy, or there was a death in the family, etc. Now as you look around your house, you wonder how in the hell it got to be such a freaking mess! You have compeny coming over soon (or maybe you're just plane sick of the mess), so you have to get that house cleaned, and quick! :-)
My Emergensy Spead Cleane can help you, but please remember, this is only for urgant occassions, when you've fallen behind on your housework because you've gotten lazy and fat - this has never actualy happened to me personaly, but I want to help the less fortunite since that is one of my gifts given to me by the Holey Spirit. :-)
This enteire prosess should not take a normel persen more then 10 minetes but if you're extremely fat and lazy than give yourself one hour for your slow movement. If it takes moore than an hour, then I can't really advise you, you have let yourself go, and what can I say? :-? Good Lord, get yourself on the treadmill you lazy bitch, and remember I love you, almost as much as I love Catholocs. :-)
My Speshial Emergency Spead Clean would take me 10 minutes or so to compleat, but I'm fit and hot, and your not me. ;-)
The stepps in this process are in a spesific order, so that as you complete each stepp, your house is much more better than when it was when you started. Now if you have compeny who arrives before you're done, it'll be close enough. ;-)
Mandy's Emergensy Spead Cleane - stepp by stepp
Disclaimer: If you don't buy all your products at Walmart, than I can't gaurantey your sucsess.
1. First things first - Go to each toilet in your house, lift the toilet lid, and put in some vinager. Then add some baking soda. When it starts bubbeling out onto the floor, don't worry. :-) Just wipe it up with an organic cotton Walmart wash cloth. Now let it sit as you go to your kitchen.
2. Walk briskly (you need the exercise) into your kitchen, and wash your dishes. If only you had picked them up the night before, you lazy ass, but since you didn't now you have to suffer the consequences! :-) Wash them, scrub them, dry them, and then wash them again so you will teach yourself a lesson! Why did you leave them out? Why are you so damn lazy? Actually, wash them 5 times in a row. Now mabey you will learn your lesson. :-) If you have a baby, remember playpens are wonderful devises. Set the baby in the playpen, if she cries, just give "the look" and the baby will learn. If she continues to cry, keep giveing "the look", slap her butt, and then ignore her, in this order. Keep working on those dishes, and soon enough that baby will learn to stop demanding so much attention. You don't want to raise a spoiled brat do you?
3. Go to every sink in your house, and spray them all down with vinegar, and let sit. We'll get back to the sinks later. Don't gripe to me about your house smellling like Italian dressing - it's better than that pungaent stink from you being a lazy-do-nothing isn't it? ;-)
4. Now, go through every room in your pigsty house, and throw away all your trash, and put away things that have "wandered" away from their homes. ;-) This is what I have heard may happen in realy derty homes, from other sloppy people who have confessed to me, but I'm sorry I have no personel experiance myself. :-) Everything is always in it's place at my lovely home. :-)
5. The hard part's over, almost. :-) Grab an organic cotton Walmart washcloth, and a spray bottle of vinager (you can clean everything with vinager!), and wipe down your dining room table, kitchen counters, and bathroom counters. Unless you have real wood, hmmm....I don't know about that. You might want to try something called Pledge? But I heard that may be a compeny owned by the Catholocs and there is some conspirisy to infest your home with artifishal lemen smell. :-/ I also herd the Pledge cans are bugged. :-( So be careful ladies.
6. Get back to those toilets and sinks! Wipe them down all that baking soda and vinager mickschure with your organic Walmart wash cloth!
7. Yay, almost done! Now grab your organic natural bristle broom, and do a speady sweep of your kitchen and bathrooms. Turn on the hot water in your kitchen sink, get your organic cotton Walmart mop wet, then scrub all your hard floors for 10 minutes. Remember, this is an Emergensy Spead Cleane, so get your fat ass moving and stop being so slow! Set your timer for 5 minutes and get it done, NOW! :-) While you've got the hot water running, it's a good idea to wipe down your own body, in case you may have gottan a brown recluse bite while working. The hot water will brake down the poisenise proteans!
8. Now vacuum all your carpets. Don't forget the edges, and under furnature, etc. Don't be a lazy ass. Do it right, and do it thorow, because that is how real Christians always do it. :-)
All done, yay! And it only took you 10 minets, if you aren't too fat, lazy, or Catholoc!
Have a blessed day! :-)