Sunday, August 10, 2008

Why Meez Church is Better Than Tradishunal Church

Well, a few weeks ago I blogged about how we were thinking about it, and we have finally taken the plunge. :) (See that blog entry here.) Today me and Derik started the First Evar Meez Cyber Church! Halleluyah! It was a wunderfull, beautifull and lovely servase. Together with other True Christian brothers and sisters (there are probly only about 20 totel in the world), we all prayzed the Lord and danced to real Christian muzic and heard good olde fashuned KJV-only preaching! Now adaze, there is just no reason to go out into the world and take a chance of getting contaminated by worldly, discusting, heathans and catholics that may be invading your church. Meez church is much, much better and holesome. Church is not a building - remembar ladies, having church servace in a building is a tradishen of man. People who think they have to meet in a building for church are legalists, but True Christians are doctrinists. Another tradishun of man is taking communion - no need to worry about that pagan practice corrupting Meez Cyber Church! However, you can eat braekfast while watching the cyber paster!

Derik and me have paved the way for the future. ;) Hear are a few other advanteges of Meez Cyber Church. Most importently, we can pick out the sermans ourselfs, making sure the pastor who preaches totelly agrees with our doctrine, because thanks be to God we have the Holey Spirat and know the Truth. And, if the pastor gets off coarse or quotes from a Bible besides the 1611 KJV, we can turn him off imedietely and just get another one! That's the most imporent. Some other nice things - you don't have to worry about parking, and you don't have to get dressed up. I just stayed in my pajamas all day, but my Meez character dressed up! ;) Plus, you can bring your own snakes!

Have a blessed day - unless you're Catholoc. If you are, come out of her now and come to my true biblicle KJV Only First Ever Meez Cyber Church.

~The Apostle/Deaconess Mandy :)


Anonymous said...

LOL You are just so owsome, Prophetess Mandy. LOL. I am so LOL inspired by your LOL new form of LOL church. As long as LOL you have the 1611 version LOL of the Bible then that's LOL all you LOL need.

LOL I've been LOL thinking that you LOL and Derik should LOL start your LOL own church. You are LOL such a scholar LOL Mandy.

LOL Now, we just need to get LOL rid of all of those LOL other Negative Nannies. LOL


Natalie LOL

Anonymous said...

LOL I have a question though? LOL

A man LOL that I know who LOL holds a doctorate LOL in divinity LOL sais that the LOL 1611 is not the LOL KJV that LOL everyone uses LOL today.

I'm sure LOL he's wrong, because LOL you're much more inspired than he is. LOL

sweepingthehome said...

He obviassly doesn't have the Holey Spirat, and his wife probly doesn't make him any Famus Salmon or Ultimate Asstounding Bread, so his unhelthy diat is effecting his mental helth as well. Pleaze, this is urgant, send him my blog url so he can lern how to get the Holey Spirat and his wife can lern how to cook proparly for him. And, God bless, unless your a stoopid Catholoc. :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Mandy! You're so awesome and pretty, I would have never thought of that. I think I need to get him to one of your Meez churches, too. I think that would help.

And, there is something amazing in your Ultimate Amazing Asstounding Smack Yourself In The Head Bread, because I gave it to my dog and he was so filled with the Holy Spirit that he threw up.

I gave him some kumbaka, and he threw that up too.

When I obeyed my husband and took him to the vet, he told me that I was poisoning my dog. I told him that it was the Holy Spirit and invited him to your blog.

He called the SPCA on me.

But, I just considered that being persecuted for the cause of Mandy.

And, you know, reading this entry... I really need to work on my spelling.... I so not as smart as you.

Anonymous said...

I knew the perfect church from the perfect prophet would come soon. Praise be. I can't wait to see what it is like to be in a real, true church that doesn't do anything wrong. It is so refreshing. There have been so many false prophets in the world through the years but it is so great to know that a true prophet of God is starting a true church of God. And, in a meez room. God was just waiting for that technology to come along to lead you there in order to guide you to the perfect place to worship and praise him. Even if you and Derek do take up 20% of the room's capacity, God must have had a reason for choosing a place with limited capacity for his new, true church.

concernedcitizen said...

It is a matter of time before they ask people to start tithing.

Maggii said...

LOL..I was just wondering about that....when will they expect tithes....LOL

hippiemama90210 said...

I find this blog very entertaining. I posted on CIAFTP that Fruity's blog was indeed a parody.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe for a minute that Fruity's blog was a parody. As ridiculous as her blog was, there were plenty of posts she made that were not funny at all and definitely would not fit the mold of a parody or spoof. Sadly, she was completely serious and too far-off her rocker to realize that some of her posts were insane. Maybe the more sensible posts she made were during times she was taking her meds. Her problem is not being able to know who she is or where she is going in life.

I've watched Fruity/ WhiteDaisy/ RowanHomeschoolers/whatever the hell else she comes up with long enough to be familiar with her patterns. I'm pretty sure others would agree with me. And this might be far-fetched, but I have a feeling that Hippie is Fruity, coming back with a brand-new name because now she disagrees with Candy. Surprise, surprise. Maybe she's taking the hippie route for the next year.

kentuckybluegirl said...

Where do I send my tie chek to?

sweepingthehome said...

I've to post about that soon. Start saving your money, peeps!

Clare said...

Oh Lordy. I had a look at Docs rants ( the link you gave in the sidebar) So close are you to your sister-separated-at-birth Candy that many of the commenters failed to spot the parody. This is better than the telly.
The meez church business is beyond incredible. Like a parody of a parody. Is Candy getting her spiffing ideas from this site?
I cracked a rib last week falling out of a tent. This LOLing is not aiding the healing process.ROFL. Ouch!

Anonymous said...

Just thought this would help you in your Cristan teaching at your new church. We have to make sure all the ladies feel hoplessly inadaquate so they will become dependant on the church and be willing to send all thier money.

Keeping The Home: rules for the Christian wife and mother, as derived from the Bible, personal experience, and the advice of others:

- Get up early in the morning before everyone else does. Get yourself prettied up, and make a delicious breakfast.

- Be the last to go to bed at night (unless your husband is a major night owl). Make sure everyone is comfy and safe before you turn out the lights.

- Take the time to make delicious and healthy meals. Do as much cooking as you can by scratch. Cooking by scratch isn't as hard as many think it is, and it saves a LOT of money on the grocery bill.

- Keep the house clean, and maintain it. Each night before you go to bed, make it a point to go through the living room, kitchen, and other major rooms of the house to put away clutter, clean up paper messes, put books and toys away, etc. If you make this a habit, then your house will always be neat. Remember to ALWAYS put things away as soon as you are done using them. Teach your children to do this as well.

- SMILE and enjoy your God-given role as wife and mom. If you don't have a smile on your face, then realize it is for selfish reasons. You're sad, you're tired, you're mad, you're not getting what you want, people aren't behaving the way you want them to. Give your burdens to God, and take on one of the fruits of the spirit - JOY (see Galatians 5).

- Keep yourself fit and healthy. I am in great shape, and thank the good Lord for it. Having four children, I feel I NEED to be in great shape. I just don't know how women can do it without being in shape.

- Be self disciplined. The secret to being self-disciplined is a simple one, and it is this: MAKE yourself do it, and the next day, make yourself do it again, and the next day, make yourself do it again. It gets easier as you stay the course.

- Don't be what the Bible calls a sluggard; don't be slothful. Idle hands lead to mischief. As a wife and mom there is ALWAYS more to do. Rejoice in that fact, and let it build up your character. Turn the TV off, and put the fiction novel down. Go improve yourself as a person instead, so that you can better serve others. A servant's heart pleases God, and he sends blessings for it.

(seriously copied from the non-parody site...I don't know how she doesn't realize how ridiculous this is)