Sunday, June 29, 2008

Naysayers, and Q&A Time

First of all, my massage to my naysayers: this is MY blog. If you disagree with anything I say than you don't have to read my blog. Go away.

Now, for all the lovely KJV only homemakers in long dresses, the rest is for you. ;)

Q: Oh Mandy, this looks delish. Could you post instructions on how to get the salmon out of the can? I want to make this for dinner tonight. Do you think I could substitute Food Club salt for the organic sea salt? I wouldn't want to risk changing the flavor of your yummy dish. -Carolyn

A: First of all, get out a spoon. Then put the handles of the can opener in your hand, position the two wheels on the rim of the can. Squeeze the handles closed, and with your free hand, turn the crank. Voila! Your can is open. ;) Now use the spoon I told you to get out and scoop the salmon out of the can.

As for using substitute Food Club salt, I don't think that's a good idea. It must be organic sea salt preferibally from Walmart, anything else could seriously altar the flaver of the dish. ;)

Q: Oh I forgot to ask... Can I double this recipe? They're having a "bring a covered dish" to our church tomorrow and I want to have enough for everyone to taste. -Carolyn

A: My receipe can be doubled, but don't over do it! A little bit goes vary far, surprizingly. The small amount in my picture feeds my entire family, with leftovers. They all say they get vary full vary fast and never have room for more. :)

Q: How do you do it? I'm fat lazy and stupid, and I'm learning sooo much from you. I want to be a tite ass 2 keeper of the home just like you. -whatsmynameagain

A: First of all, you need to just stop being lazy and eating. :) Get up at least by 4:00 AM and read the KJV bible for 2 hours. This will automaticly increase your IQ points and you will be getting smarter very fast. Then work-out following the TITE-ASS 2 tapes for at least 4 hours. Then wipe off, brush your hair, put on a little lip gloss, and a beautiful modest dress and some houseslippers. Don't forget to slip a cute matching scrungee on your wrist, they double as a hairpiece or inexpensive jewerlry! ;) Now start making kombucha tea, yoghert, buttermilk, Asstounding Bread, and Famous Salmon. Clean your entire house using baking soda and vinegar. If you're house smells like a salad, that's OK, at least it's clean! Vacuum all the carpets and then do the laundry. After your house is emmaculate like mine, then set the table and have the famous salmon dinner all ready for your wonderful hubby when he comes home from work. Pour him a glass of full-fat organic milk and give him some organic full-fat butter to spread on his asstounding bread. But don't eat anything yourself because you are fat. Instead, workout again for 3 hours before going to bed. And read your Bible again. After you read your Bible, wipe off and slip on a cute nightgown for your hubby, in case he's wanting to show you his apreshiation for your hard work, if you know what I mean. ;) If you have a baby, it is possible to get everything done by putting him or her in the playpen all day while you work, if he cries, don't worry, he will stop after a few hours. He will soon learn to entertain himself and stop being so dependant on you. ;)

Well, that's all I have time for today, because I have so much to get done! Have a blessed day! :)

7 comments:

RudyBug said...

Mandy, I can't believe you would let just anyone double your recipe. Did you at least ask Carolyn if her church was Catholic or not? If not, then great, she should double it and feed the multitudes. However, if her church is Catholic, she shouldn't be allowed to use the recipe at all. Such holy food is not fit for the mouth of a Catholic. Fear not Carolyn, you'll have plenty of time to search for other recipes while you're burning in hell for all eternity.

RudyBug said...

Oh, I almost forgot, may I make one small request? You are just so naturally beautiful, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing your beauty routine with us. For example, do you ever wash your hair with the kombucha mushroom fizzy drink? Can I relieve the puffiness in my eyes if I place two chilled slices of astounding bread over them? Does ground up canned salmon make a good facial mask? Your face has such a rosy glow...so red and shiny. How do you achieve that? Please answer me, Mandy, I really am dying to know. After all, not everyone is selected to become a model.

Carolyn said...

Hi Rudy. No I'm not Catholic, but after reading Candy's opinion about them I may want to join. Why is she so threatened? I believe her lying and judgmental attitude come from a lack of confidence in what she and hot hubby believe. I think she has a secret contempt for her tortured genius hubby and would like to kick his ass to get a better job.

By the way, the salmon was a huge hit at the church potluck. Everyone's eyes flew open and were brought to tears by the flavor. Unfortunately, the pastor's cat jumped on the table and gobbled it up before anyone did anything about it. Come to think of it, nobody did try to do anything about it.

Mandy, do have any recipes using Spam? My old Spam Ala King recipe isn't getting any kudos from the family. Thank you in advance.

Amanda said...

Hi Mandy, could you please tell us about all the people who prophesy over you? You've mentioned it in the past, and a little bird told me that it happened again today. I'd love to hear more.

All In A Day's Work said...

You're house may smell like salad!!! ha ha ha ha ha.. oh man, I almost spit my coffee out over that..

All In A Day's Work said...

That should say Your, not your're..

sweepingthehome said...

Actually, you quoted me perfectly when you said "you're." Sorry for the confusion, but what can I say, I can't help it that I'm such an influence on people. :P