Friday, August 22, 2008

Who is Mandy?

Who I Am

I'm sure all of you have an idea in you're head of who you think this Mandy Browner person is. I figure it is time to open up and be totelly honest hear.

1. I am a True Christian. I stress this fact a lot, because I really am, I have the Holey Spirit and He reveels the Whole Truth threw my lovely, leather-bound, 1611 KJV Bible. You can trust everything I tell you to be the whole, compleat, truthe.

2. I never write about negetive things becuase I'm just not a negetive person! I'm ALWAYS vary happy, and full of loveliness and joy. Becauze of this, my face radiates happyness all the time, and it's not really something I can help! My secret is that I'm a True Christian - not pagen or athiest, or God forbid, Catholock. Nothing can get me down, nothing, absolutely nothing! People are always asking me, "Mandy, why are you always smiling?" I can feel my adorable smile broaden as I explain to them that it's my True Christianety shining threw, with the help of the Holey Spirut of coarse. Then I whip out a Jack Chick tract and one of my handy, dandy purse-size KJV Bibles (which has my buzienuss card with my name and blog address taped inside), give this to them as a free gift, and tell them they too can become just like me. The way thay gaze back at me with admiration and speechlessness just fills my heart with more joy. I just love being a witness for Christ every day, don't you?

3. Yes, I am "dresses only." And oh yes it's true, I have a vary curvy, sexy body. When one works out for 6 hours every day, and that's just what happans! ;-) (We must, we must...) Of coarse, the Holey Spirat has reveeled to me that I don't have to hide my sexy curves, therefore it's ok for me to ware beautiful dresses that show off my tite ass and perky brests. As long as I'm not waring pants, which are a man's artecal of clothing, then it's ok. And as long as the dress is 2.28 inches below my knees, and I am not showing more than 1.77 inches of cleavege, the Holey Spirut is cool with it.

4. I exercise in the nude. Yes, you read that right - but it's in MY HOME, so what's the problem? I lock my older kids up in their room with a list of chores to keap them buzy, and put Baby Girl in the playpen wear she can't see me, so WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? I don't know why everybody is always critisizing me for this. :-? Besides, it's much more ecanomical, I don't have to buy exersize clothes, and there's no extra laundry. In fact, Christien women who exercise in speshal clothes really should question rather they are spending their hardworking hubby's money vary wiesley. :=?


5. I don't believe that you have to be "dresses only" to be saved - the only thing that can keap you out of the Kingdom of Heavan is being Catholock. Or, not beleaving in a 6-day creation. Or, working outside the home. Or, listening to rock music (unless it's Tom Petty). Or not submitting to everything you're husband tells you to do (unless he is Catholock). Oh, and not reading the KJV Bible at least 3 hours a day. B ut, if you do these things, than you of coarse would have the Holey Spirat and hence be dresses only. ;-)

6. I believe the KJV is the only inerrant Word of God. Non-English speeking people might be doomed, but I've been praying vary hard that their not.

7. I LOVE to exercise, and that's why I'm so hot! :-)

8. I don't wear makeup because I'm so naterally beautifull, and I look exactly like Angelina Jolie when she's waring makeup. However, I have nothing against people who believe they need to wear makeup, and there are plenty out there who really nead it. Not many are blessed with nateral beauty, and if you nead to enhance what you've got, than please do so for the rest of us who have to look at you. ;-)

9. I do not publish negetive comments that disagree with me because they are incorrect.

10. I am an easygoing person who laughs and jokes and cuts up ALOT. I am really sooooo much fun and cute, if only you could meat me in real life, you would just have the time of you're life. I mean, I really really REALLY am fun and cute!!! I love to joke around, and my husband and my kids just call me adorable all the time, and if I had any real life friends, thay would say the same thing! I'm such a goof! Really! I am full of laughter and energy, really! I really really REALLY want you to beleave this! :-D

11. As much fun as I am, I DO NOT play manipulatien or mind games. If you try to tell me that something I say on MY blog is wrong, we both already know who the liar and manipulater is and its not me, so I will immidietly ban you from my blog! ;-)

12. My house isn't always perfect and neat. Sometimes, I leave a glass in the sink, I may forget to fluff the couch pillows, or Baby Girl may leave her book on the floor. Of coarse, I refuse to let these types of horable messes take over my life, and I get things back to order right away!

11 comments:

Clare said...

Helpless laughter here!
Oh that's better. Sometimes the teeth grinding becomes too much.
I needed that.
Thank you.

Amanda said...

the Holey Spirut is cool with it.

Mandy, I think yu ment "kule". Only dirtee Katholucks spell it "cool". It's sew forward.

sweepingthehome said...

But is it forward...or froward? I can't make up my mind! Maybe a filthee Catholock like you could help!

Maggii said...

12. My house isn't always perfect and neat. Sometimes, I leave a glass in the sink, I may forget to fluff the couch pillows, or Baby Girl may leave her book on the floor. Of coarse, I refuse to let these types of horable messes take over my life, and I get things back to order right away!

****

The SCary thing is I have a friend in RL who thinks like this...her house is immaculate and she will apologize for a glass left out on the counter, or considers that book left on the floor to be a 'mess".

Linda said...

*lmao* you absolutely crack me up! :D

Elizabeth said...

Mandy,

I used to be an alcoholic but no more. I have decided to try nonalcoholic beer. I want to be just like you. So today I am going to the groshury store and I'm getting beer and chips, just like you.

Love,

Stefani......uh...I mean Elizabeth ;)

kritterc said...

Dear Mandy - I have a question for you even though I am a worthless, hell-bound Catholic. Sometimes I like to wear socks (just plain white ones - I would never wear fancy, harlot socks.) Anyway I was wondering if you wear socks and if you do, do you fold them down? I just don't know what to do - fold them down or leave them up. I figure you have a lot of experience in this area since you are all-wise and know everything.

Holy Smokes Elizabeth - are you saying what I think you are saying?

kritterc said...

Oh yes, one other thing. I walk 3+ miles several times a week. Should I walk naked even though it is in public? If not, then how do I keep the wind from blowing my dress up? It is often windy out here on the plains, as I am sure you are aware. Please give me an answer soon as I cannot decide anything for myself. I'm unworthy! I'm unworthy!!

Amanda said...

Kritter, I think it is ahvius that your socks schood NEVER be rolled down. Wun wood not want to inadvertantly flash a bit of ankull. We don't want to cause our bruthurs in Krist to stumbull.

Elizabeth said...

Kritterc....I'm not sure what you think......but I am not Stefani.....I think THAT person is really Candy in disguise......it's too coincidental that "Stef" posted about alcohol when no one else ever mentioned it except me in the comment section at CIAL. Me signing Stefani was just a poor attempt at being silly.

kritterc said...

Heck no Elizabeth. It was not a poor attempt. It made me laugh!!